I can't believe that some of my friends already have 2 kids, and some are going to have 2 kids really soon. That's like, forming a real family!!  haha. I mean, when you're married, you have technically formed a family. But seeing friends being married is not all that different than seeing them dating.  Having one kid is crazy enough since there's now a brand new little human being that didn't use to exist.  But having 2 kids for some reason, to me, seems even more like a REAL family. It's probably because I came from a family of four...so it makes it feels really legit.   It's quite surreal to think that a lot of my friends already have a life style of that of a real family, whereas Daniel and I are still sort of living in a 'young' adult lifestyle.

I'm so behind! :)

It's 5:55am and I am wild awake. It's totally unlike me but I know exactly why I'm awake at this hour - milk tea. It tasted so good during dinner. I only had half a cup of it so instead of not being able to sleep at all, I slept for 4.5 hours.

And while I was lying in my bed awake, I had million thoughts running through my head - thoughts pertaining to theology, photography, therapy, church, friends, things I need to do, things I want to do, and how I do need to go back to sleep. My brain felt crowded with all the thought bubbles so I decided to let at least one running thought out on xanga.

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Disclaimer: This follow entry is purely based on my observations with some logical reasoning of course. And with it inevitably comes with some generalizations.

What I have noticed is that couples who subscribe to a certain gender roles theory often have personalities that work well with that particular worldview. Girls who are complementarians tend to be a natural follower. They might be quieter, and perhaps shy in their own natural personality. Guys who are complementarians tend to be a natural leader, enjoy being an authoritative figure and perhaps more outgoing (with plenty of exceptions, of course).

This led me to organize people into the following groups:

1. True complementarians. This group consists of scholars and those who are committed in exegeting bible passages to figure out what the biblical gender roles are. They have done thorough research and had considered the other side of the issue.

2. Practical Complementarians. They subscribe to this view not only because it's their 'default view', but mostly because it works well with their personalities, temperaments, giftings, leadership style, and personal preferences. They are also often surrounded by other complementarians which led them to think that it's a standard way of living. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with women who want to follow their husbands and let their hubs take the lead in most aspects of their lives - if that works well with their marriage and does not hinder their each and individual's personal, spiritual, social and professional development.

3. Complementarians who are practically Egalitarians. These are the ones who subscribe and believe in complementarian view but they actually function like egalitarians in reality - in the context of their marriage, relationships or at church. They subscribe to complementarian view by default because that's the surrounding narrative they grew up with. They are also influenced by their peers or famous Christian preacher such as John Piper. Subconsciously they often feel conflicted with what they believe in and how they live their lives. Thus they need to constantly reconciling their actions and their worldview with explanations. A lot people at my current church fall within this category. I know this because they (guys and girls) asked questions relating to this at our relationship conference.

4. Practical Egalitarians - much like the practical complementarians, these couples are egalitarians because their personalities, temperaments, giftings, leadership style, and personal preferences naturally work well with the egalitarian lifestyle. Couples in this category understand their differences and giftings thus they know how to optimize them in the context of their relationships. I would consider my family and most of my family friends as practical egalitarians. Life is full of challenges and surprises and we simply can't overcome them if we were not flexible with our gender roles. Most women who are in this category are also natural leaders and speakers. Their husbands may or may not be leaders but they are always supportive of their wives, empowering them to step out of their comfort zone to grow.

5. True Egalitarians. This group consists of scholars and those who have committed in exegeting bible passages to figure out what the biblical gender roles are. They have done thoroughly research and had considered the other side of the issue. Some have even crossed over from complementarian view to egalitarian view.

In essence, our decisions (especially with regards to gender roles) are informed not only by our knowledge, but also by our surrounding narratives, life experience, peer relationships, personalities, temperaments, gifting and preferences.

Personally, I don't know if I qualify as a true egalitarian. I am definitely a practical egalitarian though - I believe in gender role flexibilities and freedom - freedom to learn, lead, follow, grow, submit, love and risk. I also believe in service and empowerment. Jesus himself not only served his followers, but he also empowered them. In John 14:12, Jesus comforted his disciples saying, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." So likewise, those who of us who are in the dominant, privileged groups (men, the rich and educated, leaders) have the responsibilities not only to serve, but also to empower those who have less privileges (women, the poor, ethnic minorities) to the extent where they will do greater things.

If Daniel, saw my gifting and empower me to lead a ministry, would I be a complementarian because I listened to him? Or would I be an egalitarian because I'm a leader?

Likewise, if I were to follow the spirit of complementarian and encourage Daniel to take the lead in our spirituality, aren't I actually the one who's leading by telling Daniel what to do? If Daniel listened to me, wouldn't that make him an egalitarian because he followed my instruction?

In the end - just do whatever works. And don't oppress women.

haha this is fun.

Being at this age is very interesting.  I meet all kinds of young people in their twenties/early thirties who are at completely different stages of life - unlike in high school or in college where everyone around you is at the same place as you are - single, trying to finish school, etc.  But now, I have friends who already have 2 kids and they have gone through so much more of life even though they are younger than me. Then there are those who are older than me but are still single.   Some of them (both younger and older) have no clue on even how to interact with the opposite sex.  There are those who are super successful in their career and then those who are still finishing school.  There are those are mature, generous, nurturing to others and then those who are selfish and incredibly immature.  It's even more weird to think that when my mom was at my age, I was already 2 years old. Wow. Weird.  And now half of my close friends are pregnant or already have kids.  CRAZY!! But not really, considering I'm freakin' 29 years old and turning 30 soon in a month.  But wasn't it not too long ago that I was 13?