It's 5:55am and I am wild awake. It's totally unlike me but I know exactly why I'm awake at this hour - milk tea. It tasted so good during dinner. I only had half a cup of it so instead of not being able to sleep at all, I slept for 4.5 hours.
And while I was lying in my bed awake, I had million thoughts running through my head - thoughts pertaining to theology, photography, therapy, church, friends, things I need to do, things I want to do, and how I do need to go back to sleep. My brain felt crowded with all the thought bubbles so I decided to let at least one running thought out on xanga.
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Disclaimer: This follow entry is purely based on my observations with some logical reasoning of course. And with it inevitably comes with some generalizations.
What I have noticed is that couples who subscribe to a certain gender roles theory often have personalities that work well with that particular worldview. Girls who are complementarians tend to be a natural follower. They might be quieter, and perhaps shy in their own natural personality. Guys who are complementarians tend to be a natural leader, enjoy being an authoritative figure and perhaps more outgoing (with plenty of exceptions, of course).
This led me to organize people into the following groups:
1. True complementarians. This group consists of scholars and those who are committed in exegeting bible passages to figure out what the biblical gender roles are. They have done thorough research and had considered the other side of the issue.
2. Practical Complementarians. They subscribe to this view not only because it's their 'default view', but mostly because it works well with their personalities, temperaments, giftings, leadership style, and personal preferences. They are also often surrounded by other complementarians which led them to think that it's a standard way of living. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with women who want to follow their husbands and let their hubs take the lead in most aspects of their lives - if that works well with their marriage and does not hinder their each and individual's personal, spiritual, social and professional development.
3. Complementarians who are practically Egalitarians. These are the ones who subscribe and believe in complementarian view but they actually function like egalitarians in reality - in the context of their marriage, relationships or at church. They subscribe to complementarian view by default because that's the surrounding narrative they grew up with. They are also influenced by their peers or famous Christian preacher such as John Piper. Subconsciously they often feel conflicted with what they believe in and how they live their lives. Thus they need to constantly reconciling their actions and their worldview with explanations. A lot people at my current church fall within this category. I know this because they (guys and girls) asked questions relating to this at our relationship conference.
4. Practical Egalitarians - much like the practical complementarians, these couples are egalitarians because their personalities, temperaments, giftings, leadership style, and personal preferences naturally work well with the egalitarian lifestyle. Couples in this category understand their differences and giftings thus they know how to optimize them in the context of their relationships. I would consider my family and most of my family friends as practical egalitarians. Life is full of challenges and surprises and we simply can't overcome them if we were not flexible with our gender roles. Most women who are in this category are also natural leaders and speakers. Their husbands may or may not be leaders but they are always supportive of their wives, empowering them to step out of their comfort zone to grow.
5. True Egalitarians. This group consists of scholars and those who have committed in exegeting bible passages to figure out what the biblical gender roles are. They have done thoroughly research and had considered the other side of the issue. Some have even crossed over from complementarian view to egalitarian view.
In essence, our decisions (especially with regards to gender roles) are informed not only by our knowledge, but also by our surrounding narratives, life experience, peer relationships, personalities, temperaments, gifting and preferences.
Personally, I don't know if I qualify as a true egalitarian. I am definitely a practical egalitarian though - I believe in gender role flexibilities and freedom - freedom to learn, lead, follow, grow, submit, love and risk. I also believe in service and empowerment. Jesus himself not only served his followers, but he also empowered them. In John 14:12, Jesus comforted his disciples saying, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." So likewise, those who of us who are in the dominant, privileged groups (men, the rich and educated, leaders) have the responsibilities not only to serve, but also to empower those who have less privileges (women, the poor, ethnic minorities) to the extent where they will do greater things.
If Daniel, saw my gifting and empower me to lead a ministry, would I be a complementarian because I listened to him? Or would I be an egalitarian because I'm a leader?
Likewise, if I were to follow the spirit of complementarian and encourage Daniel to take the lead in our spirituality, aren't I actually the one who's leading by telling Daniel what to do? If Daniel listened to me, wouldn't that make him an egalitarian because he followed my instruction?
In the end - just do whatever works. And don't oppress women.
haha this is fun.
